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I got back in town a day before I'd planned to
I smiled and said "I'll sure surprise my wife"
"I don't think I'll phone, I'll just head on home"
But I didn't know the cold hard facts of life
I passed a little wine store on the corner
I pictured pink champagne by candlelight
I stopped the car right then
Got out and hurried in
My mind not on the cold hard facts of life
A stranger stood there laughing by the counter
He said "I'll take two bottles of your best"
"Her husband's out of town and there's a party"
He winked as if to say "you know the rest"
I left the store two steps behind the stranger
From there to my house his car stayed in sight
But it wasn't till he turned
Into my drive that I learned
I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life
I drove around the block till I was dizzy
Each time the noise came louder from within
Then I saw our bottle there beside me
I drank a fifth of courage and walked in
Lord, you should have seen their frantic faces
As they screamed and cried "please put away the knife"
I guess I'll go to hell
Or rot here in this cell
But who taught who the cold hard facts of life?
Who taught who the cold hard facts of life?