This Is Why I'm Single

All day, every day

People always ask me why I'm single

Alright, alright, here's the deal

(Woo!)

I don't got good luck with the women, man

I pull up in my grandma's minivan (hey)

No hubcaps, one mirror

Duct tape through-out the interior

Wheels falling off like a grocery cart

Headlights broke, so it's always dark

Oh, I thought you said it was a push-to-start

Yeah, you gotta get out and push to start!

You might have to pay when I wine and dine

'Cause my credit card's probably gonna get declined (my bad)

I use my sock as a napkin

When I tell a joke, I'm the only one laughing

I'm just an awkward dude

I stand too close when I talk to you

And when the waiter says, "Sir, enjoy your food"

I say,"Thanks a lot, you too!"

All day, every day

People always ask me why I'm single

This is why I'm single

I love it, but I hate it

It's the worsttest and the greatest when you're single

This is why I'm single

I wake up and it's time for lunch

A little Kool-Aid and some Cap'n Crunch

I got no new matches

I don't know why

Honestly, I'm a really likeable guy

I got low ambition

Afraid of commitment

I never listen

My mind is driftin'

My cat went missin'

Turns out he was in my kitchen

Underneath the pile of dishes (oh, there you are)

My bedroom doesn't have much décor

There's a sheet hangin' up where there should be a door

I got a warn-out mattress on a hardwood floor

Every morning I wake up, and my back is sore (damn)

My Tinder profile is not a flex

My main picture is of me and my ex

But hey, being single is not that bad!

I do what I want, and it saves me cash

All day, every day

People always ask me why I'm single

This is why I'm single

I love it, but I hate it

It's the worstest and the greatest

When you're single

This is why I'm single

Ha-ha

If you're here by yourself tonight

Huh

Hold your own hand!

Ha-ha

If you love that feeling of

Independence mixed with that feeling of soul-crushing loneliness

Make some noise!

I'm single 'cause I squawk like a chicken

I'm single 'cause I can't make decisions (I dunno)

I'm single 'cause I'm awkward as hell

'Cause I eat Taco Bell like I'm paid by the minute

I want to talk about my ex on the first date (Again)

I order lots of food but I never pay

Then I get the guy to spill out all his fantasies

But I never tell him anything about me

Nuh-huh!

I can't remember people's names

So I say "Hey, buddy"

I laugh at random times, when nothing's even funny

I Venmo request people using exact change

I sing in public like the world is my stage

All day, every day

People always ask me why I'm single

(People always ask me why!)

This is why I'm single

I love it, but I hate it

It's the worstest and the greatest when you're single

This is why I'm single