Football Crazy

Oh, you all know my wee brother and his name is Jock McGraw

And he's lately joined a football club for he's mad about football

And he's had three black eyes already and teeth knocked frae his jaw

Since our Jock became a member o' that terrible football club

Oh, he's football crazy, he's football mad

And the football, it has robbed him o' the wee bit of sense he had

And it would take a dozen skillies, his clothes to wash and scrub

Since our Jock became a member o' that terrible football club

Now, the first match he took part in, it was very seldom sore

They had two half bricks for the goal post and a tin can for the ball

And the provost o' Glasgow, he was there with laws that laid despair

When Jock ran out and kicked the tin can two miles in the air

In the middle of the field at Hampden Park, the captain says, "McGraw

Would you kindly take this penalty kick? Or we'll never win at all."

So he ran like mad and kicked the ball and it went up like a cork

And the last we saw, it was over the stand and headin' for New York

Oh, he's football crazy, he's football mad

And the football, it has robbed him o' the wee bit of sense he had

And it would take a dozen skillies, his clothes to wash and scrub

Since our Jock became a member o' that terrible football club

Now, his wife says she will leave him, that's if he doesnae keep

Right away from football kickin' in the nighttime, in his sleep

For he calls her Stanley Matthews and other names so droll

Last night he kicked her out of the bed and shouted, "It's a goal!"

Oh, he's football crazy, he's football mad

And the football, it has robbed him o' the wee bit of sense he had

And it would take a dozen skillies, his clothes to wash and scrub

Since our Jock became a member o' that terrible football club