A Modern Man

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. Thank you. I appreciate it

I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free

A diversified, multicultural, postmodern deconstructionist

Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect

I've been uplinked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced

I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading

I'm a high-tech lowlife, a cutting-edge

State-of-the-art, bicoastal multitasker

And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond

I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school, and my inner child is outward-bound

I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted, cool customer

Voice-activated and biodegradable

I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace

So I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive

And from time to time I'm radioactive

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding

The wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope

I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs

I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge

I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar

A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary

A streetwise smart bomb, a top-gun bottom feeder

I wear power ties, I tell power lies

I take power naps, I run victory laps

I'm a totally ongoing, bigfoot, slam-

Dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach

A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic, out of rehab, and in denial

I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper

A personal assistant, and a personal agenda

You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down

'Cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless

I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers

I'm a nonbeliever and an overachiever, laid-back but fashion-forward

Upfront, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance

Supersized, long-lasting, high-definition

Fast-acting, oven-ready, and built to last

I'm a hands-on, footloose, knee-jerk headcase, prematurely post-

Traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail

But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing

A supportive, bonding, nurturing, primary caregiver

My output is down, but my income is up

I take a short position on the long bond

And my revenue stream has its own cash flow

I read junk mail, I eat junk food

I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports

I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive

User-friendly, and lactose-intolerant

I like rough sex, I like tough love

I use the f-word in my email, and the software

On my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall, I bought a minivan at a megastore

I eat fast food in the slow lane

I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes

A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested

Clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle

I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-

Approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-

Wrapped, vacuum-packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal

Lean and mean, cocked, locked, and ready to rock

Rough, tough, and hard to bluff

I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride

With the tide, I got glide in my stride

Driving and moving, sailing and spinning

Jiving and grooving, wailing and winning

I don't snooze, so I don't lose

I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road

I party hardy and lunchtime is crunch time

I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt

And I'm hanging tough, over and out

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Way to go. Thank you