The People-Eating Garden (Off West Aberdeen)

I've got a garden in the square

Unlike one anywhere

The things that happen there

Are so depraved you won't believe it

All the flowers have the tendency

No, it's more of a dependency

Not on rain or sun or air so fresh

But on the sweet and supple taste of human flesh

It's a people-eating garden

Where the buttercups butter up you

It's a people-eating garden

It's so beautiful when it's in bloom

The petunias and the orchids

Eat the children nosing around

And as they chomp on more and more kids

You get used to the screaming sounds

So whether you wanna see nature's food chain

Get ripped apart at the seams

Or just a range of the strangest hydrangeas you've seen

Go to the people-eating garden

Off west Aberdeen

Yes, it's quite the striking sight

You could say it's got real bite

While it's clearly a delight

The board of public safety has their opinions

But just follow my exact advice

You will see the garden's very nice

Just read the rules and regulations through

And you won't find a lily or lilac attackin' you

Oh, it's a people-eating garden

But those people don't have to be you

You can outlive your friends and neighbors

If you do what I tell you to

No sandals or open toes

Lest the ivy take a chew

And never stick your nose in the face of a rose

Or the rose may take the nose off of the face of you

I'm talkin' just plain simple common sense here

I've done my research in books, magazines

I've got azalea paraphernalia practically up to my knees

To run my people-eating garden

Off west Aberdeen

Now I'll admit

I've grown a bit

Obsessed with my lovely flowers

And it's true

That one or two

Folks I know have been devoured

But that's part of the risk, that's part of the fun