If You Knew me Then

I know I look calm, but my hands shook

Every time you gave me that half-second look

I'd write you in silence, then tear out the page

Couldn't say I miss you without taste and shame

You laughed at the scars that I never named

But I'll stay just in case you want me the same

I was broken in ways that you couldn't see

But I wore every bruise like a lock with no key

If you knew me then, would you still leave

Would you hold the truth or just let me bleed

I was quiet, but I wasn't okay

You were sunlight, I was always gray

If I said it now, would it even land

Or would I love you, just slip through your hands

You walked off clean, but I've stayed this mess

Singing words I should've said, instead of less

There were nights I rehearsed what I'd never say

Fought off the ghost just to see your face

You said I was strong, but that wasn't true

I just never wanted to break in front of you

You moved on fast like I knew you would

I stayed in this house, in this skin, in this mood

I left our song in a voicemail unsent

Because you were the storm and I was the tent

If you knew me then, would you still leave

Would you hold the truth or just let me bleed

I was quiet, but I wasn't okay

You were sunlight, I was always gray

If I said it now, would it even land

Or would I love you, just slip through your hands

You walked off clean, but I've stayed this mess

Singing words I should've said, instead of less

If you knew me then, you might've stayed

But all I gave you was the part I was afraid you'd break