Knot

It could be seconds, it could be minutes

Or on a good day, maybe an hour

After I awake all my senses start to ache

Always the same strangling shame

Visited down upon my brain each morning

My soul is sick, a herring-gull in an oil slick

I don't feel up to it but we're off

To an old pal's wedding in the Lakes

Following a flask of coffee up blustery Cat Bells

We arrive late for the bird-of-prey display

An eagle-owl swoops an inch above the ducking guests

The feathered cleaver of its wing hews clouds of our breath

It tears apart the abandoned body of a mouse

And I feel nothing

Mountains of finger food, flutes of fizz

Billowing bunting my self-loathing is

A purse full of bile whose drawstrings are this cheery smile

"How've you been getting on?"

Sausage rolls and vol-au-vents

"What've you been up to?"

Tiny cheese scones

"Where are you living these days?"

Yellow crumbs on silver trays

Here comes the bride all dressed in white

Wraith-like father at her side

To the strains of "All I Have To Do Is Dream"

And a baby's bone-chilling scream

Waddling down the aisle comes a Golden Retriever

In a waistcoat and dicky bow

Golden rings dangling from a length of golden string

And a thread of drool swaying to and fro

"I do, I do," words like tiny fish tossed about in a swell

Of fierce confetti and the echoing of pre-recorded bells

You hook your arm in mine and reel me gently back towards myself

But I feel nothing

The best man's speech is pretty much a bleak

Ham-fisted Powerpoint presentation

On the groom's former life

Of depravity and degradation

The dad-dancing is in full-swing

I'm at the buffet hoovering up the last of

The corned beef pie

I spot you chatting to some guy

I don't know who you are

Pile of sick on the bar

Polyester tie Jägerbomb