Is There a Way Back?

I used to laugh without a story

I used to smile just to smile

No anxiety choking my lungs

Uncounting days like scars

Learning how to feel for the first time in a while

When did my heart start rusting?

When did my ground turn swamp?

27 years of drowning in a kiss that cut to bone

Empathy was a river

Now its dry where I stand

Every sip shed another layer

Till I hated the mirror and the man

And I wonder if the damage can heal

Or if this is just a permanent fear

Is there a way back to who I was?

To a heart that could settle, to a mind without wars?

Pour that poison, bleed the color from my veins

Left me sober in the dark with nothing but the stains

Yeah, I'm walking like a newborn, broken but intact

Tell me, tell me, is there a way back?

I drained my empathy empty

I swallowed my gratitude whole

Every bottle was confession

Every hangover took its toll

Now silence is heavy

Connection feels foreign

Like I lost the very language of a place I was born in

Rewiring the circuits that smelt

Learning joy like a skill I once held

Is there a way back to who I was?

To a time like a tree without tremors or fuss?

Stab that poison to the tender from my chest

Left me numb, left me bitter, praying hard for the rest

Now I'm crawling toward a gate, I with my soul still crazed

Tell me, tell me, is there a way back?

I'm awake now but God it hurts

Sober feels like dying in reverse (oh-oh-oh)

Every feeling coming back with teeth

No filter, no mask, no relief

Is redemption slow or is it sudden?

Is healing earned or is it given?

Is there a way back to who I was?

Or am I building someone better out of what was left over?

Strip away the poison, the comfort and the light

To the brutal truth and naked in the light of my eyes

I'm fighting joy for forgiveness when my soul's all in pain

God, I hope, yeah I hope there's a way back

Newborn hands, old man heart

Learning how to feel, learning how to start

Maybe, the way back... Is Forward