Tough Guise

I'm a killer, I kill 'em with kindness

Here's a cup of herbal tea to help you clear up your sinus

Buddy boy, I heard you're famished

I made you a sandwich

I'll even fix the stuff up on your truck that was damaged

Just asking, I can catch it when you're on vacation

It's no complication, call me late for conversation

Don't hesitate if shaken to ask me for Xanax

I got none, but we'll cop some, I ain't bout to let you panic

On moving day, I'll move everything out my way

To make sure you arrive safe at your new place

Hold you tight when you cry, say there's nothing to be scared for

Anytime you fly, I will drive you to the airport

There's more, I will pack up the Catan board

And have a backup plan for anytime you feel bored

I'm real for it, any cause, volunteer for it

Applaud your life choices, homie, I'm here for em

I will help you cross the street, motherfucker

I will fold you fitted sheets, motherfucker

I will make you feel complete with a neat surprise

It's all lies, this is our tough guise

I'm saving cats from a tree, motherfucker

Catch spiders set em free, motherfucker

I can make you feel complete with a neat surprise

It's all lies, this is our tough guise

I'm a helping hand for every man, every chance

I'd help check for lumps in your mammary glands

I would casually stand while you change out your pants

Into your swimsuit to obstruct from a dastardly glance

And as a matter of fact, I'm a friend of the fishes

Won't purchase turtle hurtin' snacks no matter how delicious

I dispose of cigarettes to prevent forest fires

And I'd actually help your stepsister stuck in a dryer

Carry your groceries, dairy and roast beef

Iron every item that I find in your clothes heap

I am buying coffee for the car that's behind me

And pulling out your stool at the bar when we're dining

Never whining or complaining if it's sunny or it's raining

I can read the menu to you if your eyes are straining