The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit (Audiotree Live Version)

After sundown, before sleeping,

I am the worst of me. I am a mess of these

Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams

whisper seductively and stage scenes.

It's fear fiction, these visions,

Caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy.

What I haven't done, what I've wanted to,

And what I fear you have

Becomes reality here.

Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.

A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.

No love, no life, no history.

Just touch, just chemistry, just

A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.

Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and

It's a moment, harmless. It's energy.

It's like medicine,

It's self-discovery.

See, all the secrets I keep, why are they secrets?

It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth,

Just a flash before the line gets blurry,

Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and

What the body wants now more than anything.

Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or

Just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?

Was it that I got too tired of the consequence?

Or was I just scared?

I only know I never wanted to get left behind.

No pauses, not a second guess.

First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.

They're just movements towards feeling. It doesn't matter

Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,

Sweat and block out everything to

Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.

Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.

Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.

Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine.

Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.

I want to feel it out. I want to know how it works.

I want to know if it was worth it to worry,

About the ghosts I feared would haunt the memory,

About the damage that I'm sure the fear has done to me now.

I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through