God, I Hate Shakespeare

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare

That's right, I said it (no!)

I do, I hate Shakespeare

(Why?) I just don't get it

How a mediocre actor from a measly little town

Is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare

His plays are wordy, but oh, no, the great Shakespeare

That little turd, he has no sense about the audience

He makes them feel so dumb

The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that? How can you say that?

(It's easy, I can say it cause it's absolutely true)

Don't be a penis, the man is a genius

(His genius is he's fooling all of you)

But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen

His poetry soars like a sweet violin

God's own inspiration, like lightning doth strike him

And he captures my soul (aw, jeez, you sound just like him!)

Really? Thanks!

You should hate Shakespeare

(Well, I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare)

Well, there's your problem, you're so blinded by The Bard, who's such a pompous little man

(Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?)

Cause he's a hack with a knack for stealing anything he can

How can you say that? How can you say that?

The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play

You wish you could pen one, we wish we were in one

(I just wish that he would go away)

Well, that's not gonna happen because everybody I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known

And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare

Is all that twits who bloviate about Shakespeare

And how they prattle on about his great accomplishments

Well la-di-da-di-da

And once they start their gushing, there's no stopping them

And then it's blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Shakespeare

And he walks in it's dum-dedum-ta-da Shakespeare

He's holding court and they say

"Will, you're such a genius and your writing is divine

'A rose by any other name' is such a clever line"