Even After

Mm, mm

I didn't want to do this

I swear to God, I didn't

But you pushed me there

And now I can't breathe inside my own skin

I begged you to love me right

I begged you to see me

But you kept turning away

Kept leaving me empty

I laid in that bed

But my heart wasn't there

I was searching for something that should have been you

And now I hate myself for it

I let him hold me 'cause you wouldn't stay

I let him in 'cause you pushed me away

But every touch felt hollow, every kiss felt wrong

And the moment it was over, I knew where I belonged

Even after the sin, I still feel so broken

Even after the act, there's words left unspoken

I tried to find me, but I lost who I am

God knows this was never the plan

I gave my body, but my soul never moved

Even after I still love you

I keep scrubbing my skin like I can wash it away

But the guilt runs deeper than water can chase

I thought maybe the touch would make me feel alive

But instead, I feel numb while this part of me dies

You say I betrayed you, but baby, so did you

I just bled where you broke me, did what I swore I'd never do

I can't sleep I can't pray

I cannot run what I became

I whisper my sins into the dark

But even God don't take the blame

Even after the sin, I still feel so broken

Even after the act, there's pain left unspoken

I tried to find me, but I lost who I am

God knows this was never the plan

I gave my body, but my heart stayed with you

And even after I'm still yours

It wasn't love, it wasn't me

And it'll never set me free