Dentist! (1982 Original Cast)

When I was younger

Just a bad little kid

My mama noticed funny things I did

Like shooting puppies with a B.B. Gun

I'd poison guppies, and when I was done

I'd find a pussycat and bash in it's head

That's when my mama said

What did she say?

She said, "My boy, I think some day

You'll find a way

To make your natural tendencies pay

You'll be a dentist

You have a talent for causing things pain

Son, be a dentist

People will pay you to be inhumane

Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood

And teaching would suit you still less

Son, be a dentist

You'll be a success"

Here he is girls, the leader of the plaque

Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God!

He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good

Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?

Oh that hurts!

I'm not numb!

Aw, shut up, open wide

Here I come!

I am your dentist

And I enjoy the career that I picked

I am your dentist

And I get off on the pain I inflict

When I start extracting those molars

You girls will be screaming like holy rollers

And though it may cause my patients distress

Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me

I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me

'Cause I'm a dentist

And a success

Say "Ahhh"

(Ahhh)

Say "Ahhh"

(Ahhh)

Now spit!