Gay?

Don't fucking shoot me from that balcony

Abraham Lincoln see right through

Too soon?

Sorry

I'm single which is great, I like being single

Girls like tall guys which is frustrating

Yeah, you never hear a girl like

I met this guy he's so hot, he's so short

You can barely see him

He sleeps in my purse

I pour shots in my purse

Everyone thinks I'm gay which is understandable

Yeah of course

I played a gay roller-skating prostitute on TV

But other reason people think I'm gay is 'cause on my myspace profile

Under sexual orientation, I put not sure

Yeah, yeah

Not 'cause I'm not sure

I just love that was an option

For sexual orientation

That's an option, not sure

Straight, gay, bisexual, no fucking idea dude

No idea

Like who is that for? You have no idea

Like not even close

Like, I have no idea what's going on

Like, who is that for?

There are people out there like

Dude, I just jerked off looking at my stove

What does that mean?

Dude, I have no idea

I have no idea

I'm gonna put not sure

That is a mystery right there

Whatever that wants

Do not know

No clue

This happened to me this is a true story

I'll tell a couple true stories here tonight

All of them a hundred percent true

This happened to me, I think it was in the fall

And I play a lot of online video games

I don't know if anybody else plays, like Xbox live or anything

Yeah, girlfriends love those, by the way

I love girlfriend fights when you're playing Xbox

And you can always hear the guy

What's up? I'm going to play another game

Yeah, just go to bed, yeah, you can go to bed

I don't have to be there

Yeah, no, we're winning right now

We've won, like

Is that a real gun?

Okay, put that down

Put that down, put that down

That's not funny

But, like, you get into it

I mean, you go on these battles and shit

And I get, like, way too into it

Where it's, like, it's just not healthy

Where I'm, like, I throw stuff

And just shout in my little headset

You get this little headset

And you can play online

So you can play with people all over the world

Which is cool, but it's, like, frustrating

Because you'll just get the shit kicked out of you

By, like, some nine-year-old kid in Germany

You know?

He's like you lose

I'm, like, really? Really?

You fucking Nazi, I will get all

It's a freakout

But so I do, like, I break stuff

I get so into it

So I live in an upstairs apartment

It's like a duplex, nobody lives beneath me

So it was empty for the longest time

So I would play video games, no joke

From, like, 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock at night

Till, like, 6 in the morning

I'd play all night

So nobody lived beneath me, so it was cool

So one day, this girl moves in

Christianah is her name

Cute girl, small, like, mousy

Little mousy chick but very sweet

I just keep doing what I'm doing

Playing video games, breaking stuff

Drunk, me and my friends, yelling

So one day, I go to my mailbox

To get my mail and I see her and she sees me

I walk out, and she's like

And I'm like, "What's going on, Christina? How are you?"

And she's like, "Fine"

And I'm like, what's wrong?

And she goes, what's going on up there?

And I'm like what do you mean?

And she goes, oh, the yelling and the breaking things

Just all night, screaming

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm like, I'm so sorry

I'm like, me and my friends play online video games

And she goes what?

And I'm like, yeah, we play Halo and stuff

And she's like, oh, thank God

And I'm like, why?

Swear to God

She goes, oh, thank God

I thought you guys were shooting hardcore gay porno

And I'm like, what?

And she goes I don't know

She's like, you come home drunk at like 10 o'clock at night

You and your friends will go upstairs

And then ten minutes later, I hear

Suck my fucking dick, bitch

Yeah, suck my dick

Suck it motherfucker

Yeah, suck it, yeah, take that bitch

Take that like, oh, boy, oh boy

That made me laugh

But then it also made me realize

That I could now shoot hardcore gay porno at my house

If I wanted to

Just to like mess with her

Like, me and my friend walk out

Outside naked with boners

What are you doing?

We're playing video games

What's your problem

You're being a bad neighbor

It gets hot, it's exciting

I'm sorry, where's Kelly?

We still haven't found her