Lifeboat (On The Fritz Album Version)

Good morning, class

Good morning, Mrs. Aryan

Today we're going to play a game

Yeah

This game is called lifeboat, all together

Lifeboat

Good, lifeboat is a lesson in values clarification

Can you say values clarification?

No

Values clarification is where your little minds decide

Which lives are worth living and which lives are worth, not living

Now here's how we play

A big ship just sank

There are five people on the lifeboat

But the lifeboat is only made for two

I'll list the five people on the chalkboard

And you, class, will decide

Which three will be thrown overboard, are we ready?

Yes, Mrs. Aryan

Good, first, there's an old, old crippled grandfather

Second, there's a mentally handicapped person in a wheelchair

What's mentally handicapped?

It means they can never be a productive members of society

Third, there's an overweight woman on welfare

With a sniffling, whimpering baby

Is the baby on welfare, too?

Let's not push Mrs. Aryan

Who else is in the boat?

A young, white doctor with blue eyes and perfect teeth and Joan Collins

Now, class, take five minutes to make your decision

Times up, well, class

Throw over grandpa 'cause he's getting pretty old

Throw out the baby or we'll all be catching it's cold

Throw over fatty and we'll see if she can float

Throw out the retard and they won't be rockin' the boat

Very good, that was fun, wasn't it?

Yes, Mrs. Aryan

For our next lesson, we're going to do an experiment

Yeah

We're going to test the law of gravity, just like Galileo

By dropping two objects out the window

One heavy and one light

To test which one hits the sidewalk first

Now what shall we use for the lighter object?

I'm thinking of something small and square

An eraser?

Good, and what shall we use for the heavy object?

I'm thinking of something round and bouncy

Tommy, I haven't given you permission to leave your seat

Class, class the bell has not rung

What are you, class, put me down, class, put me down this instant

What, what are you

Throw over teacher and we'll see if she can bounce

We've learned our lesson, teacher says perfection's what counts

She's getting old and gray and wears an ugly coat

Throw over teacher and we'll play another game of lifeboat

Throw over grandpa 'cause he's getting pretty old

Throw out the baby or we'll all be catching it's cold

Throw over fatty and we'll see if she can float

Throw out the retard and they won't be rockin' the boat, yeah