The Credit Card Song (Rerecorded)

Well, I guess this story must begin

That fateful day a way back when

I decided I should have a credit card

So I filled out this application

Listed all my recommendations

Sent it off in the mail

And in a month or so the mailman brought me my brand new charge-all card

Better than checks, safer than money, and not near as dirty!

Well it laid around for a couple of days

And finally I thought "What the hay?

Why not see if this thing'll really work!"

So I went down to my favorite store

Picked out three or four shirts or more

A pair of pants and a strip-ed tie

And the man came by and said:

"Yes Sir, cash or charge?"

I said: "Just put it on my credit card

Write that dude up! Ahhh, convenient!"

Now I put that card away in a drawer

And I never charged one dollar more

Then one day in the mail I got this bill

Typed on a card all full of holes

That says do not staple, bend or fold

Was the astronomical figure of thirty-two hundred dollars and forty-two cents... When!

There's been a mistake!

So I got on the phone... "Hello? Hello?"

I got Mr. Black and Mr. Brown

And then I got the run-a-round

'Til finally Mr. Green came on the line

I said "Sir, this may be hard to take

But your computer's made a mistake

It says I owe more money than I've ever seen"

And he said "People like you make mistakes

Computers do not lie

Send us the bread. PDQ!"

Well this had just about done me in

So I grabbed that computer card again

The one with all those holes punched out so nice

And I threw it on the floor and I stomped it twice

And then I whipped out my pocket knife

And punched out a few more holes where there hadn't been no holes before

And I bent it double...

Stapled it across the end...

Drove my car over it...

Stick that up your computer!

I sent her back in and never heard no more