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Billy The Mountain (Live At Fillmore East, June 5, 1971)

Frank Zappa & The Mothers•Audio Oficial (YouTube API)

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Billy the Mountain

A regular, picturesque, postcardy mountain

Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gordon

With his stunning wife Ethel, a tree

A tree

Billy was a mountain

Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder

Billy was a mountain

Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder

Billy had two big hips for eyes

With a cliff for a jaw that would go up and down

And whenever it did, he puffed out some dust

And hacked up a boulder, ha

Hacked up a boulder, ha-ha

Hacked up a boulder

Now, one day, a man in a checkered suit

Drove up in a big Lincoln Continental

And he laid a huge, bulging envelope right at the corner of Billy the Mountain

Right where his foot was supposed to be

Now, Billy the Mountain, he couldn't believe it

All those postcards he'd posed for, for all of those years

And finally now, at last, his royalties (royalties, royalties)

Billy the Mountain was rich

Yes, his eyeball caves widened in amazement

His jaw, which was a cliff, it dropped 30 feet

A bunch of dust puffed out

Rocks and boulders hacked up

Crushing the Lincoln (home)

Now, now the man in the checkered suit, well

He went screaming off into the desert at sunset

All the way to Rosamond to get a beer and tell everybody there

Including Ronnie Cook, what had happened to his car

I gave him the money, he acted real funny

He hocked up a rock and he totaled my car

Oh, do you know where the truck's might be bound for the valley?

I don't wanna stand here all night in this bar

Dear Lord, I don't wanna stand here all night in this bar

No shit, I don't wanna stand here all night in this bar

Now by 2 o'clock, when the bars had closed down

Billy had already broken the big news to Ethel

Now with dust and boulders everywhere

Billy choked with excitement, announced

"Ethel, we're going on a vacation"

Yes, and they were going on a vacation

And Ethel, just like any little woman

Well, Ethel, she of course was delighted

Sh-she creaked a little bit and some old birds flew off of her

Billy told Ethel they were going to

They were going to New York

"Ethel, we're going to

But first they would stop in Las Vegas

It's off to Las Vegas to check out the lounges

Pull a few handles, drink a few beers (oh, Ethel)

Ethel, my darling, you know that I love you

I'm glad we could have a vacation this year

Oh, need a plan, we could have a vacation this year

They left that night, crunching across the Mojave desert

Their voices echoing through the canyons of your mind

"Ethel, wanna get a cup of coffee?

Oh, there's a Howard Johnson's

Wanna eat some clams?"

The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed

Was Edwards Air Force Base

And to this very day, wingnuts and data reduction clerks alike

Speak in reverent whispers about the fateful night

When test stand number one and the rocket sled itself got

Launched by a famous mountain and his small wooden wife

Goodbye to Las Vegas, farewell to the lounges

We pulled a few handles, we drank a few beers (chug-a-lug-a-lug)

Guess that George Putnam should be on the air now

With the biggest news story that has broken this year (George Putnam)

Biggest news story that has broken this year

Take it away, George

We're just in to the KTTV News Service

Undeniably links this mountain and his wife

To drug abuse and payoffs as part of a San Joaquin Valley smut ring

However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area

That a recent narcotics crackdown in Torrance, Hawthorne, and Lomita

Will provide the secret evidence the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a criminal indictment

And pave the way for stiffer legislation, increased federal aid

And avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the Inland Empire

But it is this reporter's opinion that Ethel is a former communist

Within the week, Jerry Lewis had hosted a telethon

La, la, la, nice lady

To raise funds for the injured (injured)

And homeless (homeless)

As Billy had just leveled it

And a few miles right outside of town

Billy caused a "Oh, my papa"

In the earth's crust, right over the secret underground dumps

Where they keep the pools of old poison gas

And obsolete germ bombs

Just as a freak tornado cruised through

My baby! My baby! My baby! My baby!

Sucking up two-thirds of it (suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck!)

For untimely dispersal over vast stretches of the Midwest

Now, it was about this time that Billy got his notice to report for his induction physical

Now we know what that's like

Now, Ethel said she wasn't gonna let him go

"I'm not gonna let you go, Billy"

And George Putnam, the right-wing radical fascist prick

Newscaster said, "Take it away, George Putnam

The radical right-wing fascist prick newscaster"

We now have confirmed reports from an informed Orange County minister

That Ethel is still an active communist

And it is this reporter's opinion that she also practices witchcraft

It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the secret briefcase

Belonging to the one mortal man who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction

And save America herself

And as you all know, the only person who could stop a rampaging mountain

In this day and age, in these times of economic tribulation

Would be the new wonderful low-budget hero, Studebaker Hawk

Bring the band on down behind me, boys

We'll give you some details about Mr. Hawk

Now, some men say he looked like Felix Pappalardi (Felix Pappalardi)

Still others say, "You're full of shit, man" (some men say, "You're full of shit, man")

"He was riding next to the frozen beef pies down at Christini's Market" (frozen beef pies)

Still others say, "No, no., he was just another crazy Italian who drove a red car"

You see, nobody really knew for sure because he was so mysterious

Oh, yes, he was mysterious

He was so (he was so, he was so) mysterious

He was so (he was, he was) mysterious

'Cause when a person gets to be such a hero folks

Admirable is beyond compute

You can never really tell about a guy like that

Whether he's really a nice person, or if he just smiles a lot

Or if he has a son named Pinocchio. or what?

Or if he has a sun named Pinocchio, or what?

Some men say he could fly

Some men say he could swim

Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka (huh?)

All the girls in Flushing would be amazed of him

Amazed of him (certainly)

So when the phone rang in the secret briefcase

A strong, masculine hand with a wristwatch (and flexi bracelet)

And answered in a deep calmly assured voice

A mountain, with a tree growing off of his shoulder?

You're full of shit, man

Are, are you sure? Oh, well, alright

Let me write this down then, sorta take a few notes here

To New York? Causing untold destruction?

My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, no

My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby- Ah!

My baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby, my baby- oh-oh

My baby, my baby, my baby, he's got

Wanted for draft evasion? (Yes)

Can I, can I fly there immediately and reason with him? (Oh)

Some men say he could dance

And how right they were

Because this is the Studebaker Hawk dancing lesson

And cosmic prayer for guidance

Featuring Ainsley Dunbar

Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, hey

Right hand from the heart, left hand from the heart

Right hand from the heart, left hand from the left shoulder to the heart

Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly

Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, hey

Donovan himself uses this prayer very frequently

And it's done wonders for him

Studebaker Hawk is a quasi-religious hero within the context of this story

Consider if you will, the rumors that have spread

That he could write the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin

Some men say he could write the Lord's Prayer

On the head of a, head of a

Three Dog Night! Yeah

Others still maintain the fact (good God, ah)

He was born next to the frozen beef pies

And that was the main influence on him

Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife

Who ran a modeling school, whereupon he

He ran around the back of Gimbolt's to see if he could find some big, unused cardboard boxes

After which, he hit up the local Gristedes for some Kaiser broiler foil

Some Aunt Jemima syrup, and a pair of blunt scissors, huh-hah

And in the parking lot, wherever he could find one

In between a pair of customized bikes, he cut out a pair of really nice wings

And he covered 'em thoroughly with foil

Thoroughly with foil

Thoroughly with foil (he made it)

Then he wedged one under each of his powerful arms

And sneaked into the phone booth

Now he shut the door

And he pulled down his gray denim policeman-type trousers

And he took, and he spread, and he spread even amounts of Aunt Jemima syrup

All over the inside of his legs, right underneath his Valentine's brand boxer shorts

Soon, the booth was filling with flies (help me, help me, help me)

He held open the legs of his boxer shorts, so they could all get in

Yes, and when each and every one of those damn little cocksucker flies

Had gotten in underneath his shorts

They were suckin' up all that Aunt Jemima syrup

He bent over and he put his head between his legs, and he said

In a clear, impressive voice

And the booth, and everything lifted up out of the parking lot and into the sky

Studebaker Hawk, yeah-yeah

Studebaker Hawk, Studebaker Hawk

Studebaker Hawk, yeah-yeah

Studebaker Hawk, Studebaker Haw

Is coating his flies with Aunt Jemima syrup, up and down

His shorts'll be filled with flies that will be buzzing all around

Studebaker Hawk, he's really outa sight

Studebaker Hawk, he does it every night

Studebaker Hawk, he treats the flies alright

Studebaker Hawk, that's why they never bite, hey

He could be a dog or a frog or a lesbian queen

He could be a nark or a lady marine

Or he might play dirty, he's over 30

His peculiar attire and the flies he require

'Cause Ethell is gone

And the mountain she's on

His peculiar attire and the flies he require

'Cause Ethell is gone

They keep leading him on

'Cause Ethell is gone

And the mountain she's on

We join Studebaker Hoch on the edge of Billy the Mountain's mouth

Billy, I've come to reason with you

Our great country needs you in the Armed Forces

It's all fair and square, your number came up

You can't go on running like this forever

Now Ethel shook her twigs angrily

But Studebaker Hawk, unfettered, continued

Listen, you, "Listen, you communist son of a bitch

You better get your ass down there for your fucking physical

Or I'll see it too that you, you get used for fill dirt

In some impending New Jersey marsh reclamation

And your girlfriend here will wind up disguised as a series of brooms

Primitive ironing boards, or a dog house"

Get the get the picture?

If they think they're gonna draft me, they're crazy"

Of course, when Billy laughed, Studebaker Hawk

Who had been standing on the edge of his mouth, which was a cliff

Lost his balance and he fell screaming 200 feet into the rubble below

Wait, that's only 100 you Carnaby cutie

Do I hear a little more?

Which only goes to show

Ah, Mountain is something you don't wanna fuck with

You don't wanna fuck with, don't fuck around (don't fuck around)

Don't fuck with Billy, don't fuck with Ethel

You saw what just happened to the guy with the flies

Don't fuck around (yeah-yeah)

Ensamblando tu reproductor de música con IA

Billy The Mountain (Live At Fillmore East, June 5, 1971)

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