The Piano Has Been Drinkin' (Not Me)

The piano has been drinkin'

My necktie is asleep

The combo went back to New York

The jukebox has to take a leak

The carpet needs a haircut

And the spotlight looks like a prison break

'Cause the telephone's out of cigarettes

The balcony is on the make

The piano has been drinkin'

The piano has been drinkin'

And the menus are all freezin'

And the lightman's blind in one eye

And he can't see out the other

And the piano tuner's got a hearing aid

And he showed up with his mother

And the piano has been drinkin'

The bouncer is a sumo wrestler

Green puff Casper Milquetoast

And the owner is a mental midget

With the IQ of a fence post

'Cause the piano has been drinkin'

The piano has been drinkin'

And you can't find your waitress

With the Geiger counter

And she hates you and your friends

And you just can't get served without her

And the box office is droolin'

And the bar stools are on fire

And the newspapers were foolin'

And the ashtrays have retired

The piano has been drinkin'

The piano has been drinkin'

Not me