Nothing Left to Hate

I never needed help

I needed someone to watch me fall

How many times did I build myself out of nothing

Just to tear it all down again?

How many promises did I stitch into my own skin

Just to rip them out (when no one stayed?)

Every mirror I broke, every door I slammed, every fist I threw at the air

I was screaming for someone to make it stop

But I knew it had to be me

And it never was

I saw the cracks form

I watched the floor give out

I was the first to leave myself behind

Nothing left to patch

Nothing left to hate but me

Nothing left to patch

Nothing left to hate but me

I filled every empty space with noise, with blood

And every time I said "I'm fine"

It felt more like a loaded gun than a lifeline

I ran my hands through the ashes of what life could've been

Crushed every second chance like it owed me something

I was supposed to be better

But I can't stay human long enough to heal

How many times did I build myself out of nothing

Just to tear it all down again?

How many promises did I stitch into my own skin

Just to rip them out (when no one stayed?)

Every mirror I broke, every door I slammed, every fist I threw at the air

I carry every version of myself that failed

I drag them behind me like a fucking chain

Crumble where I stand

Bury me in the walls I built

I was the storm

I was the silence after

I was everything I said I'd never be

I was everything I said I'd never be

And I can't even tell

I can't tell the difference anymore