Untrained, Not for Lack of Trying

And now it's diff, difficult to go back

To that kinship we had, I don't trust you'll do right 

The things you said could have my soul in a hearse

But luckily for me I recognize my own worth

To think when I needed life I would call you first

But I won't even credit your name in this verse

Now I know what Fab meant, on Pachangas 

A sideways move from dude could turn y'all to strangas

I think I've accrued abandonment issues

Went from, “person I miss you” to “now I feel misused”

Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain

Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained

Cuz why would family wanna see you die

Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies

The people closest to you can hurt you the most

One moment they love you and the next they're ghost

I think I've accrued abandonment issues

Went from, “person I miss you” to “now I feel misused”

Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain

Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained

Cuz why would family wanna see you die

Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies

The people closest to you can hurt you the most

One moment they love you and the next they're ghost

I don't mean to sound pessimistic and all that naaa

But that whole Murphy's Law shit

Just seems like it applies to my life now

Yo, I try to eat right, pay the bills

Do everything I can to survive (I know that's right)

Just seem like life holding me back and all that

I've had more than close folks cut like surgery 

God's promise for my healing still in perjury

I recognize the chance for character furthering

I shake it off but emotionally it murders me

In my late 20's things changed physically

An illness flourished, it was a mystery

To me, what to do now, it's covering my face

My self-esteem lost, man what a disgrace

Acne-rosacea, more than tough to face yuh

My health taken for granted, beauty can fade uh

Sooner than later, my body fragile like skaters

Plead and beg with my maker, let my pride reinstate

Outer appearance got my soul a tomb in me

Literally a slave to autoimmunity 

My naturopath took advantage of my hope

Prescribe everything but the solution his scope

I wonder when I look back will I understand

That, this was the price to pay to be a man

Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather

They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better

When I meet God will He tell me why

I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life

Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'

Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying

I feel abandoned from people who called us best friends

I’m passed it all like I’m 100 on my deathbed

Easy to see why my track lacks optimism

Hungover from playing the position of the victim 

Speaking of which, why are cats so shiesty?

Do they have my best interests in mind? - unlikely

If it's not ulterior motives they gon' change

The status of my trust mangled and re-arranged

I used to know Christian folks praising Christ loud

But now they street proud, hanging with a gang crowd

I used to know homies with solid values

Now sex and drugs the only things they value

I used to know youngins who would never split 

Now they've lost friendship to like 30 different cliques

To hell with these hardships

Can we sail out of this abyss or will we let our grip slip

I wonder when I look back will I understand

That, this was the price to pay to be a man

Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather

They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better

When I meet God will He tell me why

I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life

Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'

Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying

I wonder when I look back will I understand

That, this was the price to pay to be a man

Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather

They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better

When I meet God will He tell me why

I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life

Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'

Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying