Still Looking

I've cussed in the pews

And prayed in the gutter

Held broken rosaries

Like a lifeline to my mother

I never needed saving

Just space to breathe

But I still looked up

Like He might believe in me

No choir ever sang me back

No sign dropped from the sky

But there's something about silence

That feels too alive to lie

I walk with a cracked halo

Crooked spine and muddy grace

I'm not all holy, but I'm honest

And that should count in this place

Let me stumble

Let me curse

Let me kneel when it hurts

I'm not healed

But I'm still here

And I've outlived the worst

You can preach in gold

Or scream in pain

But either way

The blood still stains

I light a candle

Then blow it out

Sometimes I whisper

Sometimes I shout

I don't need heaven

Just room to fall

Without someone telling me

It cancels it all

I walk with a cracked halo

Call it sin, call it fight

I'm not perfect —

But damn it, I write

Let this be

My final prayer

Thank you for the scars

And the breath that's still there