This Party Took a Turn for the Douche

We roll into the bar 'cause that's how we do*

Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew

Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go, she

Hits up the juke box and puts on Jim Croce

Operator, can you help me make this call?

We're laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing

And I'm liking the direction this night is going

But then I look up and something has changed

Everyone around us looks fucking deranged

I look to my left, I look to my right

Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight

With supertight abs and supertan skin

I swear this ain't the club that I walked in

Then the techno music starts to play

And the room smells like Axe body spray

I'm like Golda Mier with no gold in my ear

Please tell me what the hell happened here

Yo, it ain't pretty but you know it's the truth

This party just took a turn for the douche

For the douche, for the douche

For the motherfuckin' douche

Thought it was a perfect party

Now it's just a lot of Ed Hardy

This party just took a turn for the douche

I guess I can't beat em so I'm gonna join 'em

Need some douche phrases and I'm gonna coin 'em

Put my Bluetooth in and I'm on my way

Gonna be a motherfuckin' douchebag today

Gonna groom my beard like a bonsai tree

Wax off my chest like Mr. Miyagi

Get a Chinese tat, don't know what it means

But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens

Don't need sleeves on my shirt, just rip 'em off

And leave 'em exposed like Bernie Madoff

Fake tan so brown you can call me foxy

Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops oxy

Got more chains than Mr. T

Ad I pity the fuckwad who messes with me

'Cause I'm doin roids 'til my balls get teeny

Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace up inside the weenie

Gettin crunk on brewskis with my broskis

I'm cooler than Ice Cube wearing snow skis

Sweeter than the life of Zach and Cody