Grandpa Got Runned Over By A John Deere

Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere

Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve

Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa

But after suing John Deere, I believe

He'd been a-guzzlin' old Jack Daniels

And smokin' that wacky weed-

He mixed it with his medication

And run off with some bleach-blonde named Bernice

When we found him Christmas mornin'

We thought he had a heart attack

But he had tar prints on his forehead

And incriminatin' hickies on his neck

(On his what?)

Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere

Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve

Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa

But after suing John Deere, I believe

But we're all ashamed of Grandpa

He took Grandma's death too well

Started watchin' porno movies

And engaging in phone sex with Cousin Belle

It's a better Christmas without Grandpa

Last year in church, he mooned the choir

At first, we thought it was Alzheimer's

But looking back, we realized he was wired

Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere

Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve

Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa

But after suing John Deere, I believe

Yeah, I filed myself a lawsuit

And they awarded me two mil

You know Grandpa didn't leave me nuthin'

But thanks to that old John Deere, he got killed

Funny, all my friends and neigh-bras

Turned up on the grand jury

I bribed 'em like Johnny Cochran

Did when they set O.J. Simpson free

Guilty

Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere

Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve

Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa

But after suing John Deere, I believe

Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere

Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve

Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa

But after suing John Deere, I believe