Текст песни
Inside's perfect — tree looks tight,
But outside? Girl, it's a fright.
We've got tinsel trauma, light-string dread,
We need a hero with a tool belt instead!
We tried the nails, we tried the tape,
Our snowman's sad — he lost his shape.
I stapled my glove, I cracked the wall,
Our reindeer looks like he's takin' a fall.
Call for help! Call for style!
But honey, that's not our profile.
We need a lesbian for Christmas,
Someone who can hang a wreath that stays.
A queen of cords and extension plays,
Who can make these lights behave!
Oh we need a lesbian for Christmas,
With a ladder and a master plan,
'Cause we can decorate hearts with flair —
But not the roof, oh man!
We checked our contacts, searched all night,
Even asked Alexa — no luck in sight.
We need precision, balance, and grace,
And maybe a socket set just in case.
She'll measure twice, she'll drill just right,
We'll hand her cocoa, she'll save our night!
We need a lesbian for Christmas,
To untangle this festive mess.
Our icicles sag, our star's depressed,
We're in décor distress!
Oh we need a lesbian for Christmas,
With the know-how and the plan,
We can hang mistletoe anywhere —
But not a single garland can!
I tried the ladder…
You screamed "insurance!"
It was a *three-foot stool!*
And I still panicked!
Get a pro, get a pro!
One who knows where the outlets go!
We need a lesbian for Christmas,
Santa, send one down our street!
With a flannel shirt and steady feet,
Who can make these lights complete.
Oh we need a lesbian for Christmas,
We'll pay in cookies and cheer,
'Cause if she saves our roof tonight —
She's decorator of the year!
If you're out there with a staple gun… call us.
We've got cocoa, and zero upper-body strength.