Terrorist or Toddler

I was at the airport the other day

I'm sick and tired of flying

I tell you what, airport security pisses me off

They got, you read about that paper

Their two little toddlers couldn't get on an airplane

Because their name matched somebody on the no-fly list

Good Lord, they're one year old

You know, you can tell the difference

Between a terrorist and a toddler

On a terrorist, the diaper is going to be on the head (oh, oh)

All right, that's how you can tell

Ain't that stuff? Unbelievable

They got absolutely nothing in common

Except for both diapers are full of crap

All right, that's what they got

I get so sick and tired of that political

Crack nonsense at the airport

Now, here's what they want to do

Instead of doing the right thing

Oh, this might cost $300 million

But here's what they're going to do

It's some machine they're trying to develop

That reads your mind when you go through it

They can actually see what you're thinking

Before you get on the plane

Yeah, that'll speed it up right there

I can see me at the airport

A long line of people behind me

What's going on? Oh, they got Larry the Cable Guy

And the head-reading machine over there

Right now, I guess he's got Heidi Klum

Bent over a truck bed, I guess (ho, ho)

Yeah, I'd be the most popular head at the airport

But I do like travelling around

We usually take a tour bus when we go

I like seeing the country

I love Pennsylvania

They got a town there, though, called Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Now, I'd been there once when I was a kid

And I got to tell you, it was kind of weird

I stepped into the wet spot when I got out of my car there

But my bus driver, we had to go through Intercourse

My bus driver's gay

Alright, I'm like, oh

We went ahead and went the back way