Count Malvolio

It all comes down to luck

In this wild, wicked world

But luck doesn't have infallibility

For luck had the nerve

To make me one who serves

Well, it's plain to see

I ought to be nobility

Even the countess treats me

With superior respect

I'm clearly her favorite in the house!

She hinted once

That should she ever marry

She hopes someone like me would be her spouse

So

What's the likely theory

To espouse?

I could be

Count Malvolio

Lord of the estate

Dressed in all the finest silks

And master of my fate

I'd summon all my minions in a most majestic tone

Then once they all arrived I'd tell them, "leave me alone!"

Imagine, Count Malvolio

Married up and up

Watching all my fortunes as they grew

They'll all wish they'd been nice

Once I reload the dice

When I finally get

My due!

I'd send seven servants off to fetch my Uncle Toby

And I'd wait there with a most impatient frown

I'd fiddle with my diamond-studded wristwatch

As I lounge upon a bed, a fluffy down

Then Toby would approach me with a curtsy

I'd extend my regal hand for him to kiss

But instead of my customary courtesy

I'd indubitably lecture him like this

Now that I'm married to the countess

At last, it is my right to speak the truth

You must amend your drinking and carousing

And that Andrew friend of yours must go

He's simply uncool

And he'd say

Count Malvolio

Please, forgive my flaws

I'm just a lousy liar

Who thinks he's above the laws

If only you could teach me

How to be so refined!

But I'd say, "sorry, Toby"

"There's no hope, for your faults aren't mine"

Just picture Count Malvolio