I Don't Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)

Out on the third planet closest to the sun

There's a special celebration

And it sounds quite fun

A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone

On a holiday they call Christmas

Now I'm not gonna lie

It makes no sense to me

But here's what Earthlings told me

About this Christmas mystery

(One, two, three four)

Santa is a furry freak

With epic super powers

He flies to every human home

In under fourteen hours

He's a master burglar

A pro at picking locks

If you don't leave milk and cookies out

He will put dung in your socks

If you act nicely through the night

And don't jump on your bed

Santa comes with sugar plums

And hurls them at your head

But if you're on his naughty list

He shoots missiles at your toes

He might just roast your chestnuts

With his powerful flamethrower

Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein

Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer

I don't know what Christmas is

But Christmastime is here

He's compelled his creepy elves

To do his every wish

One sought to be a dentist

Now he's sleeping with the fish

Mrs. Claus, she works the pole

Plans her man's demise

Soon the elves will all rise up

And stab out Santa's eyes

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho

Earthlings are so weird

I don't know what Christmas is

But Christmastime is here

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho

Earthlings are so weird

I don't know what Christmas is

But Christmastime is here

What the heck's a turtle dove

And who lit up that deer?

I don't know what Christmas is

But Christmastime is here

I don't know what Christmas is

But Christmastime is here

Or maybe it's there

Or it's somewhere

I don't know, I don't know