Your Friendly, Liberal, Neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

Is there a klavern in your town? (In your town)

If not, then why not have us down? (Have us down)

You'll never recognize us, there's a smile upon our face

We're changin' all our dirty sheets and a-cleanin' up the place

Yep, since we got a lawyer and a public relations man

We're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

Ever since we got that lawyer and that public relations man

'Cause we did shoot one reporter, but he was just obscene

And you can't call us no filthy names - What does Anglo-Saxon mean?

Allemande left, allemande right,

the Ladies' Auxiliary is meetin' tonight

'Cause the Klan's collected so much cash

that now, by gum, we're rich white trash!

Now, we've heard it said our leadership's not qualified to lead

Well I'm tellin' you that just ain't true - Why three of them can read

Take our Grand Exalted Dragon, now some folks think he's bad

Well, you should meet his sweet old

mother, and her brother, who's his dad

Yes, they're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

And he's gonna run for governor soon as he's out of the can

We're all from fine old families, the pride of all these hills

Yep, seven generations at the same old illegal stills

Had a little rally the other night, shot up town in a fury

Luke's arrested, Pa's on trial, and the rest of us are on the jury

Now, we've heard them call us

deadbeats, and we'd like to say we're not

We'll all stand on our record, and that's one thing we've all got

And we only have that arsenal so that you won't raise no fuss

And if you don't like that,

then call the cops, 'cause the chances are, they're us

Yes we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

But somehow we went from the fire to the fryin' pan

We never learned to hold a job, and we never learned to write

But boy, we sure have learned the

ropes, 'cause we use them every night

Now, when Congress calls you,

don't get stuck, just start confessin' and pass the buck

The Kludd blames the Klaxon,

the Klaxon blames the Kleagle,

the Kleagle blames the Grand Imperial Eagle

The Eagle blames the Wizard,

the Wizard blames the Dragon,

the Dragon takes the blame, but he's just braggin'

Now, we're out to show the Congress that we're all so nice and meek

Why we never even take the Fifth, 'cause we drank that all last week

And you'll never hear us shootin' or hangin' people high

'Cause we're learnin' to respect the law and to have an alibi

Oh, come, come, come, come

Come to the church in the wildwood

Oh come to the church in the vale

No spot is so dear to my childhood.

And, those dirty, lyin' witnesses, Lord, forgive them what they speak

We would go to church and pray for

them... 'cept we blew it up last week

Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

And we sure do thank that lawyer and that public relations man

So we're sorry that we hung them, but they did have quite a tan

And it sure confused your friendly, liberal, misunderstood

Your friendly neighborhood Klan who says, "What's wrong with a hood?"

Your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux

Grab your Cadillac and head for the hills