Текст песни
I am, I'm a bad actor 'cause I can never remember dialogue
You're saying, "No way!
Your act seems so structured and well-rehearsed
I find that hard to believe
You'd have a problem with memorizing dialogue," but I do
And I, I had a tiny part in this movie "Blow"
Where I played drug dealer number two
Why, thank you
I am still mad at the Academy that I did not get a nomination
I was driving my daughter to school
And she was helping me memorize the dialogue
She's like, "Go, Dad"
I'm like, "Where did you get this coke? It's really strong"
My daughter's like, "Not even close
It says, 'Fuck me running, where the fuck did you get this shit?
This is some strong motherfucking blow'"
Thanks, honey
Like, "No problem, Dad
Try it again, don't fuck it up, alright?"
I go, "Alright, alright"
You know what? You need to relax
Don't judge me, she's not a baby, she's eight
Not really, my daughter's 16
I wish I swore around her when she was eight
'Cause I would have fucking Ozzy's money now
My daughter's 16, her and I were watching this TV commercial
Where they have an electric razor with a shave cream in it
Like, like the shave dispenser's inside the razor
Like, who the fuck is this for?
Like, how lazy do you gotta be?
Well, I like shave cream
But I don't have that kind of time in my busy day
To reach over, push down on the can
Then spread it around my face
If only there was a more expedient way to get shave cream in my face
So I'm watching this commercial and the shit doesn't even spray out
My daughter's with me, they push the button and it just goes
And my daughter goes, "Looks like cum"
Ah, ah, la-la-la
Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
And I'm thinking, "Oh, best case scenario
She saw a porno movie, that's the best case scenario"
I'm like, "What's the correct parental response
In such an uncomfortable situation?"