I Can't Watch This

I can't watch this

I can't watch this

I can't watch this

My, my, my (I can't watch this)

My TV makes me so bored

Makes me say "oh, my Lord"

What is this garbage here?

Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears

It sucks, and that's no lie

It's about as much fun as watching paint dry

Lowers my IQ one notch

And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch

I told you homeboy... I can't watch this

Yeah, nothing but trash and you know... I can't watch this

Poke out my eyes, man... I can't watch this

Yo, gimme that remote control... I can't watch this

Talkin' 'bout sick shows

There's America's Funniest Home Videos

I can't believe my eyes

When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize

Somebody's poor old mom falls down off the roof

Lands right on the lawn

Face first on a rake

I hear they've got it on the seventeenth take

That's funny as a kick in the crotch

And that kind of show, uh, I can't watch

Yo, I told you... I can't watch this

Change the channel now, man... I can't watch this

Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker... I can't watch this

Cosby Show and Roseanne

Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can

Judge Wapner, oh my

You gotta be Rain Man to like this guy

Thirtysomething is alright

If you like hearing yuppies whining all night

Can't stand Twin Peaks

Wish they'd lynch those doughnut-eatin' freaks

Those Siskel & Ebert bums

Oughta go home and sit on their thumbs

That's word because you know... I can't watch this

I can't watch this

Break it down!

Here's how to order...

Money back guarantee...

Removes tough stains fast...

It tastes more like fresh peanuts...

They keep going and going...

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...

Could be dandruff...

Our prices are insane!

Stop, prime-time

I'm pretty sure I'll be sick

If I have to watch another stupid pet trick

Or that guy with the real flat hair

That goes "woof-woof-woof" and waves his fist in the air

Or those weird talk shows

About transsexual Nazi Eskimos

They're rude, crude and vile

Just for a minute let's flip down the dial

Flip, flip, flip... yech, I can't watch this

Look man... I can't watch this

I can't take this torture no more, I can't...

I can't watch this

Pay the bills, station break

Break it down!

Operators are standing by...

Cubic zirconium necklaces...

You're soaking in it...

And our fabulous swimsuit issue...

When you've got a headache this big...

Read the book...

This is your brain on drugs...

I've fallen and I can't get up!

Stop, Cable Time

HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV

I might like 'em more after my lobotomy

Now why did I ever pay for this junk?

I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk

Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T&A

It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna throw my set away

I can't watch this

I can't watch this

I can't watch this

Yeah... I can't watch this

I told you... can't watch this

Too hip, can't watch this

Get me outta here... can't watch this