Did I Ever Wake Up?, Pt. 2

Toe-to-toe with the biggest challenge of her life and refused to

Blink. I'll never forget receiving care packages from my grandparents

And eating oranges for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This all just

Added fuel to the fire as she became more determined than ever to

Provide for her family and change our current circumstances. The only

Thing to follow a problem is a solution. Eventually mom landed a

Great job and we relocated to Bloomington, Minnesota. This

Environment was very different than what I had been used to. It's a

Very populated suburb that sits just south of Minneapolis. It was

Built off interactions and relationships with others, which I had

Absolutely no skills at. Assuming it would be easy for me to make

Friends, mom recommended I sign up for some sports at school. So

I began playing hockey, lacrosse, baseball, and golf. Instantly I

Found myself surrounded by peers, but instead of making friends

I made them my competition. At this point growing up without a

Father figure in my life began to affect me. During practices and

Games I'd look around and see my teammates' fathers cheering them

On and in some cases even coaching the team. I started to realize

My family situation wasn't exactly normal or similar to most of

Theirs. Since I spent so much time by myself, I never learned how

To take a loss. I had to be the best and needed to impress and

Outshine others. I was very hard on myself, and in turn, would allow

These emotions to boil up until I lashed out in fits of anger

Episodes like this would follow me for many years. At one point in

School my math teacher even recommended to my mom that

I get tested for bipolar disorder. I wasn't in control

Of my emotions, they were being controlled by my thoughts

I was very confused and determined to fix this, so I took

Matters into my own hands. Here's what I came up with

Inside my head sits a dresser. You know, the kind of dresser you keep

Clothes in with top, middle, and bottom drawers. Anytime a negative

Or undesired thought enters my head I immediately place it in the

Bottom drawer and slam it shut. Then, I open my top drawer and allow

The thought-erasing to begin. That's where I keep all the things that

Can instantaneously make me happy. It's like how a certain smell can

Trigger a memory or how a song can magically bring you back to a

Place in time. We all have memories of past feelings that make us

Happy. The goal is to place these memories in your top drawer

The moment I open up my top drawer vibrant colors explode into

The air illuminating music notes, birds, paintings, palm trees

Oceans, and many other beautiful sights I've captured while

Traveling the world. Within one second you can completely erase

Any negative thoughts by simply thinking about things that make

You happy. The ability to let go of memories is one of the most

Powerful tools we possess. I can honestly forget about the initial

Negative thought immediately and you can too. Over the years plenty

People have told me they think I have a "bad memory." What these

People don't understand is that I have a selective memory. I choose

What I want to remember. If I decide to remember something, I'll be

Able to tell you everything about that memory until my dying day

To say that you're dreaming right now would essentially mean no one

Else exists without your effort. It's saying that you're solely

Responsible for creating everything in your life; that without you

The world would not exist. That's exactly how you're supposed to

Feel. I'm at the top of my list and I'm not afraid to admit it

I'm not the least bit ashamed and you shouldn't be either. The word "

Selfish" has been abused and misused since its origin. For some

Reason, we've attached a negative connotation to this misunderstood

Word. I'm here to restore its dignity. By no means am I saying you

Shouldn't help out others in need because in my opinion there is

Nothing more gratifying than being told "thank you." What I'm saying

Is until you've helped yourself, you're not helping anyone else

This is your life and it's time to start focusing on you. The first

Song of mine that really caught people's attention was called "

No Girlfriend." From the outside looking in it sounds like a typical

Rap song about being promiscuous with a bunch of girls and not

Being faithful with one in particular. Let's take a closer look

I've always had an addictive personality

To things I feel strongly about

Whatever caught my attention at the

Time, I would submerse myself in it

When I first saw Travis Barker play drums, I picked

Up drumsticks and studied every Blink 182 song

When I first saw Danny Way air out of a halfpipe

I skated every day until my shoes had no soles

When I first heard Eyedea freestyle, I started to rhyme

The same went for when I had feelings for someone

The person wouldn't leave my mind for a second, and if I didn't

Know what they were doing at all times, it would drive me mad

Then came "No Girlfriend"

I used to record in my mom's garage in Bloomington

One night, just as I was about to shut down the

Computer, I was hit hard with a moment of clarity

I suddenly realized how significant it was to have yourself

On point before you offer half of your time to someone else

From here on out, I wanted to spend 100% of my time focused on me

I'm a very career-driven individual, and when

I understood this, everything began to click

I would become successful in every aspect of what

I was pursuing before entering another relationship

I'm not saying you should push people away and become a loner

What I'm saying is, you have the choice to spend

The maximum amount of time focused on your goals

It's your call

But the choice you make will be the deciding factor

In how long it takes for you to get what you want

The more time you spend thinking about

What you want, the faster you will get it

I was so inspired by this wake-up call

That I had to immediately start writing

The second I put my pen to that page, it didn't

Stop moving until the song was completed

The first sentence on that page was "

No girlfriend 'til I make a million"

The reference to making a million

Doesn't have anything to do with money

Rather, it symbolizes a form of success in the general public's eyes

Within one hour, the song was written and recorded inside Mom's garage

It's my right to become successful and take

Advantage of the years I've been given

Every dream you want to pursue is

Waiting for you to introduce yourself

Now is the time to say hello

The time to hesitate has passed

I've always found it interesting that you can walk into any

Establishment and see one thing about the employees: ages

Old and young people all work under the same roof

You can go into any fast food restaurant and notice

Just as many people under 40 as you do over 40

The older people are able to maintain a living and pay whatever

Bills they may have off the same jobs you can get as a 16-year-old

Spend your years chasing true ambitions

You're never too old, and it's never too

Late to dive head-first into the dream