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Dear Santa… about that man you sent me last year…
We need to talk.
I asked for love wrapped under the tree,
A handsome bow, just for me.
You checked your list and made it real —
But this gift came with a raw deal.
Uh-oh, trouble!
He hogs the mirror, and all my skin care too,
Says my playlists "sound like a zoo."
Santa, take him back!
He's cute, but off the track.
He chews too loud and hates my cat,
I'm re-gifting this love, imagine that!
Oh, Santa, take him, please —
Before New Year's Eve he'll lose the keys!
He's nice enough, but here's the fact:
Santa, take him back!
He said he'd cook — it's take-out again,
Burned the toast, blamed his "creative zen."
Wears my sweaters, shrinks my jeans,
Still thinks "laundry" means Febreze.
Scandalous!
And bless his heart, he can't wrap gifts —
Looks like a hostage in paper drifts.
Santa, take him back!
I've learned my lesson, that's a fact.
He's sweet sometimes, but mostly snacks,
And calls my ornaments "tacky knick-knacks."
Oh Santa, maybe just exchange,
For someone kind, or mildly strange.
He's not the worst, but here's the fact:
Santa, take him back!
Maybe next time, skip the mistletoe app.
Or give me one with Wi-Fi and a map.
I need a man who can hold a tune,
Not one who snores like a reindeer at noon!
Santa, take him back!
Your warranty's still intact!
I'll pack him up with bows and snacks,
Just label "return to North Pole fast."
Oh Santa, thanks for tryin', love,
But this one's not from up above —
Next year, skip the heart attack,
And Santa… take him back!
Maybe just store credit, okay?
And throw in a bottle of wine.