If It Don't Align... I Decline

If it don't align I decline

Not after a second guess

Not after I pray about it for six weeks while I ignore my intuition

Not after I twist myself into a yes I never wanted to give

No I decline

Because I've betrayed myself too many times

In the name of being nice

In the name of not ruffling feathers

In the name of being the bigger person while I shrunk myself into silence just to be loved a little louder

But baby I've learned peace has a price

And the invoice shows up in your body when your spirit ain't at rest

I used to say yes with a smile and cry in private

I used to show up for people who wouldn't even text back let alone pour back into me

I used to contort

make myself bendable tolerable convenient

But now

Now I sit with myself in the quiet and ask

Does this feel like peace or performance

Does this stretch me or stress me

Does this reflect who I'm becoming or who I'm still afraid to outgrow

And if the answer ain't aligned with my assignment

If it drains instead of develops me

If it's forcing instead of flowing

I DECLINE

Not with an attitude I ain't tryna be rude

But I said what I said and I said it with authority

Because I'm finally the authority on me

And I don't need permission to honor my body my needs my no

So don't ask me to dim my light

Don't guilt me into places where I gotta beg for belonging

Don't tell me I've changed hell I'm supposed to

Growth gon' look like distance

Healing gon' sound like silence

And boundaries

They gon' feel like betrayal to the ones who benefited from your lack of them

But I'm not available for guilt trips anymore

I'm not subscribing to shame

I cancel my membership to the club where I had to earn love through self-neglect

I'm not showing up to spaces that don't clap when I win

I'm done overexplaining to people who ain't trying to understand me anyway

So yes

If it don't align I decline