Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! [That Cigarette]

Now I'm a feller with a heart of gold

With the ways of a gentleman I've been told

A kind of a feller that wouldn't even harm a flea

But if me and a certain character met

The guy that invented the cigarette

I'd murder that son of a gun in the first degree

'Course it ain't cause I don't smoke myself

And I don't reckon they hinder your health

I've smoked 'em all my life and I ain't dead yet

But nicotine slaves are all the same

At a patent party or a poker game

Everything's gotta stop while they smoke some cigarettes

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Puff, puff, puff

And if you smoke yourself to death

Tell St Peter at the Golden Gate

That you hates to make him wait

You've gotta have another cigarette

In a game of chance the other night

Old Dame Fortune was doin' me right

The kings and queens just kept on comin' around

I got a full and I bet it high

But my bluff didn't work on a certain guy

He just kept on raisin' and layin' the money down

He'd raise me, I'd raise him

I sweated blood, you gotta sink or swim

He finally called, didn't raise the bet

I said "Aces is full pal, how about you?"

He said "I'll tell you in just a minute or two

But right now I just gotta have myself a cigarette"

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Puff, puff, puff

And if you smoke yourself to death

Tell St Peter at the Golden Gate

That you hates to make him wait

You gotta have another cigarette

The other night I had me a date with

The cutest little gal in these fifty states

One of them high bred uptown fancy little dames

She said she loved me and it seemed to me

That everything's 'bout like it ought to be

So hand in hand we strolled down Lover's Lane

She was oh so far from a chunk of ice

Our smoochin' party was goin' real nice

So help me Hannah, I'd think I'd have been there yet