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The Report
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Mr. President, I have the report on the conditions in the prison
Just as you requested
This ought to debunk all the baseless claims
That the women are being mistreated
Good, I trust I won't be disappointed?
No, sir
Oh, God! What is it?
We are providing the ladies with excellent care
A doctor came and dragged me out of my bed
Their treatment includes artificial feeding
He smiled, and said that I must be fed
The ladies receive it without resistance
I turned and twisted all I could
But they threw me on my back
And strapped in my arms and legs
There is no force necessary
They tried to pry my mouth open with pliers
And I tried to clench my teeth shut
But they shoved the tube down my throat
Up my nose
The ladies are offered fresh milk and eggs
They pour raw eggs through the tube to my gut
They experience no discomfort
Everything went black
I didn't know where to breathe from
The ladies are the picture of health
They withdrew the tube and I bled
Out my nose, out my mouth
So much blood
Then they leave me there, very sick
Choking, gagging all night long
The ladies are nourished by three meals a day
We are forcibly fed three times a day
I must say, they take this well
Don't let them tell you we take this well
Don't let them tell you we take this well
In conclusion, the ladies are well taken care of
And all rumors in the press of physical abuse are entirely false
But Sir
The problem remains of what to do with their leader, Alice Paul
They took Alice away
Will not tell us where
Have not seen her in days
I'm terribly worried
Someone ought to commit her to an asylum
She does exhibit symptoms of hysteria
Such as verbal displays of opinions in public
Failure to marry and conceive