I'm Afraid of Falling, Not Heights

Standing on the edge

Isn't the part that kills me.

It's the gravity

In decisions

I've never made.

The wind doesn't whisper

It taunts.

The clouds above

Are lighter than

The weight I carry

On my chest.

Everyone says:

"Don't look down."

But they never ask

What I see

When I look in.

I'm not afraid of heights-

I'm afraid of the fall,

Of the moment between

Control

And impact.

Of the trust

You give to a second

You can't take back.

It's not the climb,

Not the view,

Not the wind-

It's the silence

Before the scream.

Each choice

Feels like a ledge

With no railings.

Even love

Comes wrapped

In risk assessments.

I map escape routes

In conversations,

Build parachutes

From hesitations.

I rehearse crashes

In my head-

Plan the pain

So it doesn't surprise me.

But still-

The sudden pull

Of something real

Makes my bones

Rattle like keys

To doors I'll never open.

I'm not afraid of heights-

I'm afraid of the fall.

Of misreading the signs,

Of hearing "jump"

In "stay."

Of trusting the ground

To catch what's broken

On the way.

If I never leap,

I never break-

But I never fly,

Either.