Asshole

Came to the world at a time when it was in need of a villain

An asshole, that role I think I succeeded fulfillin'

But don't think I ever stopped

To think that I was speaking to children

Everything was happening so fast

It was like I blinked, sold three million

Then it all went blank, all I remember is feelin' ridiculous

'Cause I was getting sick of this feelin'

Like I am always under attack, man

I could have stacked my shit list to the ceilin'

Women dishin' but really thinking

"If anyone ever talks to one of my little girls

Like this I would kill him"

Guess I'm a little bit of a hypocrite when I'm rippin' shit

But since when did this many people ever give a shit

What I had to say? It's just my opinion

If it contradicts how I'm livin', put a dick in your rear end

That's why every time you mentioned a lyric

I thanked you for it, for drawing more attention toward it

'Cause it gave me an enormous platform

I'm flattered you thought I was that important

But you can't ignore the fact that I fought for the respect

And battled for it, mad awards, had GLAAD annoyed

Atta-boy, they told me to slow down, I'd just zone out

Good luck tryin' to convince a blonde

It's like telling Gwen Stefan that she sold out

'Cause I was tryin' to leave, No Doubt

In anyone's mind one day I'd go down in history

Think they know now, because everybody knows

Everybody knows that you're just an asshole

Everywhere that you go

People wanna go home, everyone knows

Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice

There's no place you can hide

You are just an asshole

Everyone knows, everyone knows

Thanks for the support, asshole

Thanks for the support, ass

Quit actin' salty, I was countin' on you to count me out

Ask Asher Roth when he round about

Dissed me to shout me out

Thought I was history, but goddamn, honky

That compliment's like backhanding a donkey

Good way to get your ass socked in the mouth

Nah, I'm off it

But what the fuck is all this trash-talkin' about?

The fight was fixed, I'm back and you can't stop me

You knocked me down, I went down for the count

I fell, but the fans caught me, and now

You're gonna have to beat the fuckin' pants off me

To take my belt, word to Pacquiao

Momma said there ain't nothin' else to talk about

Better go in that ring and knock 'em out

Or you better not come out

It's poetry in motion

Like Freddie Roach when he's quotin' Shakespeare

So what if insults are revoltin'?

Even Helen Keller knows life stinks

You think it's a joke 'til you're bullet-riddled

But you should give little shit what I think

This whole world is a mess

Gotta have a goddamn vest on your chest

And a Glock just to go watch Batman

Who needs a test to testicles? Not that man

Half of you don't got the guts, intestinal blockage

Rest of you got lap bands

Stuck to this motto before they put bath salts

In all those water bottles in Colorado

So get lost, Waldo, my soul's escapin'

Through this asshole that is gapin'

A black hole, and I'm swallowin' this track whole

Better pack toilet paper, but I'm taking no crap, ho

Here I go down the Bat Pole

And I'm changing back into that old maniac

In fact there they go tryin' to dip out the back-door, retreatin'

'Cause everybody knows

Everybody knows that you're just an asshole

Everywhere that you go

People wanna go home, everyone knows

Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice

There's no place you can hide

You are just an asshole

Everyone knows, everyone knows

Holy mackerel, I'm the biggest jerk on the planet Earth

I smacked a girl off the mechanical bull at a tractor pull (ah)

For thinkin' we had some magnetic pull

Then screamed "ICP in this bitch

How do fuckin' magnets work?"

'Cause you're attractive, but we ain't attractable

Hate to be dramatical, but I'm not romantical

I'm making up words so you can understandable, it's tragical

Thinkin' some magical shit's gonna happen, that ain't practical

You crackin' a joke, it's laughable

'Cause me and love's like a bad combination

I keep them feelings locked in a vault

So it's safe to say I'm uncrackable

My heart is truly guarded, full body armor

Bitch, you just need a helmet

'Cause if you think you're special, you're retarded

Thinkin' you're one of a kind

Like you got some platinum vagina

You're a train wreck, I got a one-track mind

Shorty, you're fine, but you sort of remind me of a 49er

'Cause you been a gold digger since you was a minor

Been tryna hunt me down like a dog

'Cause you're on my ass, but you can't get a cent

'Cause all of my spare time is spent

On my nose in this binder, so don't bother tryin'

Only women that I love are my daughters

But sometimes I rhyme

And it sounds like I forget I'm a father, and I push it farther

So, Father, forgive me if I forget to draw the line

It's apparent, I shouldn't have been a parent

I'll never grow up, so to hell with your parents

And motherfuckin' Father Time, it ain't never gonna stop

A pessimist who transformed to an optimist in his prime

So even if I'm half-dead, I'm half alive

Poured my half empty glass in a cup

So now my cup has runneth over

And I'm 'bout to set it on you like a mothafuckin' coaster

I'm going back to what got me here, yeah, cocky

And can't knock being rude off, so fear not, my dear

And dry up your teardrops, I'm here

White America's mirror, so don't feel awkward or weird

If you stare at me and see yourself, because you're one too

Shouldn't be a shock, because everybody knows

Everybody knows that you're just an asshole

Everywhere that you go

People wanna go home, everyone knows

Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice

There's no place you can hide

You are just an asshole

Everyone knows, everyone knows