And I'm a woman sometimes

I want somebody who will read the New Yorker

And tell me over breakfast

They're elitists

Someone from Cincinnati with enough sass

But never liked the city

Likes to pick rhododendrons

Ya, always been a country girl

Someone who will hit me when they cum

With their fists and nails

Takes my hand in theirs and puts it on my earlobe

Someone with red hair

Knows the holes in Dodd-Frank

Reads the NASDAQ I swear

If I date another f*boy I'm going to punch through the wardrobe

Someone with enough anger to see mine

But not enough anger to be blind

Ya, and I'm a woman sometimes

I've been known to spill juice and plums

On my shirt never quite succumbed

To the desire to use sex

To make somebody feel like nothing

Not gonna find that policy buff who watches Buffy all night

Likes Seinfeld

Makes me feel like less of a shell of a little boy

I guess today I'm gonna go buy a bagel and drop some acid