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Gather 'round me hearties
How close do you want us to your actual hearties?
What? No, not those hearties
Well, good 'cause that would've been really creepy
That was close, yeah
I have an epic narrativity for you
I didn't know it was Christmas
Hey, can I be a wise man?
Now I'm thinkin' about it, Christmas, no, Happy would be a good baby Jesus
No, guys
I could be a shepherd, no! You'd be a great shepherd, Saxton, no, no, a story
Oh, Captain Patch storytime, I love storytime!
Yes indeed, a humongious tale of mightyousness
Good word, what? Is that even really a word?
He's on a roll
A tale of carnevolent braveryism
Good word, I know
A tale of
Complete and utter crap
What?
Every- you do this all the time, no
And you always tell us these epicausic tales of flingly-dangly-ny
Huh, and you know what? They're all wrong, they're all crap
You make them all up, what are you talking about?
In fact, they only have one thing in common
What's that?
Hey Saucy, what's the one thing that his grandiotosic tales of flippety-back have in common?
That the crew is never there to see it
Exactly, you are welcome, what?
But that's okay because he always comes back, and he tells us all the things that happened
That's right, every last detail, I do
I know, and every last detail is a complete and utter fabricosity of ample ejaculatation
Ooh, good word
Thank you
Come again?
Wait what? Huh?
You know what? I bet you got one right now, don'tcha? I do
I do, would you like to hear it?
I would love to hear it
I have a very masculosity tale
A masculosity tale? Yes indeed, that sounds fantastic, you should tell it to us
I will, I would love to hear it, you gotta shut up
I can't shut up, you've known me for like ten years now, do I ever shut up? I will tell, I wanna tell the story
Well, I don't wanna hear it now, you waited too long
What are you talkin' about?
No, I'm done, I don't wanna hear it
I'm tellin' the story
Well, you're the captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Well, I told you that scar right here was from a shark bite on my rear
But Chewy said, "That isn't really true"
That's 'cause it isn't really true
He said that you fell down some stairs
While wearing women's underwear
And busted through the window of a backdoor of a stew
A stew? Like you eat?
Nah, nah, it's another name for a whorehouse
You eat a whorehouse?
Every Tuesday
Huh
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Well, remember how I told you about those eight guys that I bested?
I beat 'em up, and got bloodied up, and then I got arrested
But Sven was there and says, "No way
It was from when you had no pay
To pay the whore, she gave you more than lovin' on that day"
Alright, that's a long story guys
Yeah, and it's a long story that ends with you getting your ass kicked by a girl
Again
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Listen to him lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Well, then there's the story of my life, when I made it with the governor's wife
Ginger hair and skin so fair, and curves so fine from here to there
Saxton tells a different tale
He says, "That lady was a whale"
36, 24, 36
Her forearms, neck, and thighs
That doesn't even rhyme
Never stopped us before
Nope
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Well, I told you the time that I was marooned on an isle by Cape Town Lagoon
Livin' off the land and sea for almost 80 days
But Patty here, he spilled the beans
Said you were taken by marines
You said you were the cabin boy
We heard you were the cabin toy
Alright, it was once a week, and it was a long time ago
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was college, you were young, you needed the money
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
I love the story that I like to tell about swingin' from the mainmast sail
With a cutlass in one hand, I must've looked so grand
Jack says, "That's not how it went
When you made that infamous descent
It was a Scotsman's kilt you grabbed
And Saucy Jack you nearly stabbed"
It was, it was more like a poke
Oh, you mean like from Facebook?
Yeah, let's, let's go with that
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Now listen up you scurvy lads
I'm the meanest captain you'll ever have
Now toe the line, or else you'll walk the plank, arr
Zulu said that when you hired him
You were dressed with frilly trim
While frolicking and picking daisies down there by the bank
Frilly pink dress, huh?
Don't you judge me
Uh-huh, hey Zulu? Yeah? I got a question
Um, if he was wearin' a frilly pink dress when he tried to hire you, yeah
Why the Hell'd you say yes?
Uh, um, uh, don't you judge him
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Sing me one of them pirate songs
Sing it loud, and sing it strong
Tell me tales of action
Me brave and mighty sailin' captain
Sing me one of them pirate songs
We'll sing 'em with you all day long
Tell me of your exploits and how your legend grew
Listen to him lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Listen to me lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie