Crispy Critters

One day about four or five years ago

We's a-sittin' at the Conoco station

Kickin' tires and swattin' flies

And discussin' the state of the union

When right out in front of the Baptist church

Come a big old purple school bus

Had astrological signs upon it

And 35 hippies and dogs inside

About half of 'em went for the courthouse lawn

And them dogs commenced on the fire plug

Rest of 'em sat there, starin' at us

And I says, "Roy, go get your flit gun"

He says, "Which is the hippies and which is the dogs?"

I says, "Beats the hell outta me, Roy"

What they was was a bunch of them crispy critters

And the leader was a space cadet

And he says, "Sagittarius, we has arrived prepare to disembark, man

Get the incense goin' and the sitar out

We gonna camp in the city park, man"

I says, "Boys, let me explain the situation to ya

A, you're gettin' me down

And B, we got us a leash law here

And C, you in the wrong town

You drop one string of beads in that there park

And you gonna see a whole lotta stars

You got 15 seconds to get outta town, boys

Or we gonna blow you to Mars"

Well, they all got back in the purple bus

And proceeded to the city limits

Then the telephone rang, it was the swimmin' pool

Says a mess of wild critters was in it

So we all got in the Marshalls Plymouth

Which is always at the Conoco station

Went flashin' on down to the swimmin' pool

To give them critters a citation

By the time we arrived, it was too damn late

Them critters had all had their pants down

Them dogs was tearin' the bathhouse apart

And they's after the fish in the fishpond

I says, "Roy, you get the one in the silver T-shirt

And I'll get the rest with a net

We gonna have a jail full of naked crispy critters

And a drip-dried space cadet"

Well, we gave 'em hell, but we lost the war