Calories of Christmas

It's Christmas time again...

and my willpower's still on vacation.

I swore I'd skip dessert this year,

But the cookies winked — "come over here."

Just one turned into four or five,

Now I'm prayin' my jeans survive.

Just one bite!

That's how it starts... every time.

Calories of Christmas, haunting my plate,

Every sweet temptation, I'm takin' the bait.

I say "tomorrow, I'll be good,"

But tonight? That fudge looks too good!

Oh, Calories of Christmas, you win again,

I'll diet next year — tell my friends.

If I keep eatin' like this, I swear,

Santa's suit's gonna fit me to wear!

There's peppermint bark and toffee squares,

Hot cocoa steamin' — I just don't care.

Fruitcake showed up like an old mistake,

But I ate it anyway, for goodness' sake.

He ate the fruitcake!

It was soaked in rum... don't judge me.

I said "no seconds," but then came pie,

A whisper said, "just one more slice to try."

Calories of Christmas, sugar parade,

Marchin' straight to my holiday waist.

My shirt's too tight, my buttons complain,

But pass the tray — it numbs the pain!

Oh, Calories of Christmas, you sweet, cruel friend,

I'll start fresh when January begins.

If I don't stop soon, it's plain to see,

Santa's gonna start lookin' like me!

Then came dinner — the final blow,

Mashed potatoes callin', "come on, bro!"

There's gravy, rolls, and Christmas ham,

I said "just a taste" — but here I am.

Turkey, stuffing, mac and cheese,

I'm one bite away from a food coma, please.

Even the salad was drownin' in cream —

This dinner's a buffet of shattered dreams!

Help! He's goin' down!

Bury me in gravy, tell my story!

I bought kale chips, thought I'd be strong,

Then someone brought fudge — it didn't last long.

Now I'm googlin' "miracle juice cleanse,"

while lickin' frosting off my friends.