Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)

Now I'm a fellow with a heart of gold

The ways of a gentleman I've been told

The kind of a guy that wouldn't even harm a flea

But if me and a certain character met

The guy that invented this cigarette

I'm gonna murder that son-of-a-gun in the first degree

Not that I don't smoke myself

And I don't reckon they'll harm your health

I've smoked all my life and I ain't dead yet

But nicotine slaves are all the same

At a pettin' party or a poker game

Everything's gotta stop while they smoke a cigarette

They gotta smoke that cigarette

Yeah, they gotta puff it and puff it

Until they puff themselves to death

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate

You hate to make him wait

But you've just got to have another cigarette

In a game of chance the other night

Old Dame Fortune was doing me right

Them kings and queens just kept on dropping 'round

I played 'em hard and I bet 'em high

But my bluff didn't work on a certain guy

He kept on raising and laying that cabbage in

He'd raise me and I'd raise him

Started to sweat, I had to sink or swim

He finally called, but didn't raise the bet

I said "Aces full, pal, how about you?"

He said, "I'm gonna tell you in a minute or two, Philly

But right now I'm gonna have another drag off my Gaspar"

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

Yeah, had to puff it and puff it and puff it

Until he puffed himself to death

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate

I don't wanna make you wait

I've got to have another cigarette

The other night I had a date

With the cutest little gal in fifty-two states

A high-bred, uptown, fancy little date

I know that she loved me

And things were about like they ought to be

So hand in hand we took off down Lovers' Lane

She was oh, so far from Cape Devine

Sour Smoochin' Party was going

And so help me, hon, I think I'd have been there yet