Letting This Go

I keep moving like nothing's wrong

Keep breathing like it won't last long

Keep smiling while the day rolls on

Then I get home and I feel nothing at all

Somewhere along the way

I taught myself to disappear

I learned this in survival

How to numb what I still fear

I've been holding on to the version pain designed

Every good thing touches me and I wait for it to break

I don't wanna lose my life to a wound I call my home

I can feel it cracking now

I'm letting this go

I'm letting this go

Even in the quiet, I stay on guard

Reading every silence like a warning sign

Nothing in this moment says run or hide

But I still wait for it all to break

A little kindness and I tense right up

Like peace is just the calm before goodbye

I should feel safe inside this light

But my whole body still believes the night

I've run on empty way too long

With every nerve awake

I can't keep living this way

Before this takes what's left of me

I've been holding on to the version pain designed

Turning every open door to another place to hide

I don't wanna lose what's good

Just because I learned to run

I can feel the walls give way

I'm letting this go

I'm letting this go

I wanna feel something real again

I can't keep drowning in what I've been

If there's a life beyond this fear

Help me believe that healing's real

I'm tired of living numb

Like the hurt is all I know

I'm done handing every day

To the fear that held me close

I don't wanna miss my life

Just because I learned to brace

For the first time I can say

I'm letting this go

I'm starting to believe I can change

Oh, I'm starting to believe