The Romford Rap

He's Tony, he's Steve, he's Neil, he's Jim

He's Terry, he's Den, he's Willy

We're gonna do the Romford rap for you

Though you might think it's silly

But believe you me it's how they all

Talk snooker in the Max Room Club

It's rhyme, it's slang, come on everybody

All pin back your lugs

Now to start the game upon the cane

There's twenty-two bugle calls

For those of you that are confused

That's twenty-two snooker balls

Now fifteen of 'em are newlyweds

Then you got the old rubber kite

Newlyweds, well they're the reds

And the rubber kite's the white

It's the Romford rap, the Romford rap

Open up your trap and give it some of that

Whether you're a Paddy or a Taffy

Or a Jock or a Jap

Whether you're yellow, green, brown, blue, pink or black

From Brixton Bow on north of the Watford Gap

You can do the Romford rap

Now the next ball's called a runner bean

Another is an Ivor Novella

A runner bean, well that's the green

And the Ivor, that's the yellow

There's an eiderdown and a superglue

Then you got the kitchen sink

The name of the black is the chimney stack

And that's the lot I think

That's how to do the Romford rap

Now you've all been clued in

We'll leave the rest to work out yourselves

Alright, let's begin

Now pick yourself a nice Asian flu

You can Harry Wood the week

Hit that rubber straight down the cane

I tell you that's a piece of cake

Now split up the bugles and if you're lucky mate

You might sky a newlywed

Then if you can't see a way to put the chimney

Try to sink the kitchen instead

Now and again you get an awkward one

And a Georgie is required

To try to sky another newlywed

Or any bugle that's desired

If you're on form you'll clear the cane