Since You've Been Gay (Live)

I'm starting to think that I'm losing my funny

Only write sad songs and my life just ain't sunny

Now

Since you told me you're gay

Still think you coulda waited til we were both finished

But I guess I should've noticed you were kinda diminished

In spirit

And in size

Shouldn't be surprised

Musta been hard or rather soft to hide your love of penis

You're cunning

But you take so many gym selfies

I really should've seen this coming or not coming

I'm traumatized but I can't be mean

So I hope your inconvenienced in your life and in your dreams

Cuz it would make up for when you said - mid sex!

That Im the reason you switched teams

I hope a red sock gets thrown in with your whites

I hope you do drag and get a rip in your tights

Hope you get an allergy at forty-three

And you have a hard time getting used to gluten-free

I hope you get laid over on a holiday flight

In a city like Detroit, and you stay overnight

And you sleep in an inn with little hairs on the sheet

And your pillow doesn't feel right

And it smells like feet

Hope you have average fashion taste

I hope your contacts gets erased

And when you go hunting for them you get stuck in the cloud

I hope your neighbor steals your mail

I hope you just miss every sale

And I hope you die

Your hair the wrong color

I hope you come out of the closet and your fly is down

Hope theres no towel after you shower and nobody's around

Hope you go to the store to get your favorite soy milk

But they're out of every brand, except for silk

I hope the train comes through right before you arrive

I hope you get into plants but can't keep any alive

I hope you take a dump and there's no paper left for you

And no one comes in but as youre switching stalls they do

And I'm not trying to be mean

Now that you're a queen

But I hope you order seamless and it never arrives

I hope some night you meet someone

And when you try to orgasm

You just can't

Because you think of my boobs

And I can't judge the way you feel

But if were being real

Itd hurt a whole lot less

If you would give me back my favorite dress