When You're Evil

When the devil is too busy

And death's a bit too much

They call on me by name you see

For my special touch

To the gentlemen, I'm Miss Fortune

To the ladies, I'm Sir Prize

But call me by any name

Anyway it's all the same

I'm the fly in your soup

I'm the pebble in your shoe

I'm the pea beneath your bed

I'm a bump on every head

I'm the peel on which you slip

I'm a pin in every hip

I'm the thorn in your side

Makes you wriggle and writhe

And it's so easy when you're evil

This is the life you see

The devil tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm evil

And I do it all for free

Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need

While there's children to make sad

While there's candy to be had

While there's pockets left to pick

While there's grannies left to trip down the stairs

I'll be there

I'll be waiting 'round the corner

It's a game, I'm glad I'm in it

'Cause there's one born every minute

And it's so easy when you're evil

This is the life you see

The devil tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm evil

And I do it all for free

Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need

I pledge my allegiance to all things dark

And I promise on my damned soul

To do as I am told, Lord Beelzebub

Has never seen a soldier quite like me

Not only does his job but does it happily

I'm the fear that keeps you awake

I'm the shadows on the wall

I'm the monsters they become

I'm the nightmare in your skull

I'm a dagger in your back

An extra turn upon the rack

I'm the quivering of your heart

A stabbing pain, a sudden start

And it's so easy when you're evil

This is the life, you see

The devil tips his hat to me