i i can't do this anymore

I I

I can't

I can't keep it straight

I smile in the wrong place

I hold my face like it's still okay

Neon teeth in a breaking day

My eyes stay wide so you won't see

How close I am to losing me

I stack my panic behind my grin

Tell myself just breathe just win

But every step feels like borrowed floor

And I don't know how to stand anymore

I say I'm fine in a louder key

So you don't hear what's breaking me

I I can't do this anymore

I I can't keep up this open door

I smile like I'm still in control

But the floor keeps dropping below

I I can't do this anymore

Every yes feels heavier than before

I learned to laugh at the right delay

Nod on cue look the proper way

Turn my fear into something cute

Turn collapse into attributes

I keep the rhythm I hit my marks

Even when it's dark inside the dark

Even when my legs forget the score

I still dance like I'm not sore

I blink in time with the crowd's demand

So no one sees my trembling hands

I I can't do this anymore

I I can't fake this steady core

I wear my calm like a costume skin

But I'm tearing out underneath the grin

I I can't do this anymore

Every breath feels like a chore

If I stop smiling will you still stay

Or is the smile the only way

To be allowed to take up space

To not be just another face?

I want to sit I want to fall

I want to not perform at all

But the lights stay on the script is sure

So I keep cracking on the floor

I I can't do this anymore

I'm tired of proving what I'm for

Tired of being manageable pain

Tired of wearing I'm okay as a name

I I can't do this anymore

I've been strong past the point of sore

I smile