Daffodils

Then he dropped me off downtown so I

could get somethin' to eat and then I

Walked back home through the graveyard

Up hill and more and more and uphill

And by the time I got home,

my cough was so bad that tears were coming out

Of my eyes and I had the chills

I layed down in the back bedroom

Like a KO'd fighter in a fetal position

Knocked down by a hard body blow

like what Roy Jones did to Virgil Hill

The room is white and cool

My girfriend will be here tomorrow it's sardines and ramen tonight

I can't wait to hear the sound of her car pullin' up the drive

It's nighttime and this cough

Is killing me

I've been awake for 3 nights and

every time I cough its like a Frazier hook

Shakin' me

Cars cars cars cars cars cars go swishing down the highway

Dog dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs whoof whoof whoof whoof in the yards

The night is black black black black black black black

Now its 5 a.m. and I'm coughin' like a chain smoker

Asthma attack

I'm close to sleep and I feel a dream comin'

I see myself in the dream

The back of someone's head hit my forehead

There are two eyes right above my eyes

And blood is pouring from those eyes right into my eyes

I force myself to wake and not let that nightmare happen

It's 5: 30 a.m.

and the black night is a slightly lighter shade of black

Sparrows are chirppin' and I'm on high alert

I just want to sleep I just want to fall asleep

But I can't

The cough is so painful and it keeps shaking me

I've not had a cough this bad since the winter of '93

When Katy and i spent the winter in Mendocino County

That house had a very similar vibe to this one

A wood burning stove

An awkwardly laid out old Victorian

And back then i was readin' a Hank Williams book

Now I'm reading A Game of Ghosts

But I still have that old Hank Williams paperback

In my room to remind me of our time together

Man how the times have changed

I now sleep next to Caroline but I'll remember you forever

Now Caroline's back she brought bags of

groceries and is making me chicken soup

The yard guy texts me hey amigo, i'm outside and I go out and pay him

Small talk small talk small talk

small talk small talk small talk small

Talk small talk

Small talk small talk

Cough cough cough cough cough cough

cough cough small talk cough cough cough

Cough cough cough

Small talk

It's a new day now

Weeks have passed

- a photo of daffodils -

Ah, this is a nice surprise

This comforts me

"daffodils"

She sent a photo of daffodils and said they came and went fast

I told her about mine and how lucky I felt to be able to see them this

Year rising up

We lost track for a bit

Her and I

I was in the dumps for many days and nights

And I know she was too

And that she was crying

Because I was told about a message she left on someone's phone

I tried to patch things up by sending

over a photo of orange California poppies

Those are her favorite

But our waves at the time were still choppy

She sent a black and white of a train in Navarre

But I acted like I didn't care and I didn't respond

The hurt still lingers, but slightly less each day

I lost part of her to an illness along the way

But with each night that passes

I'm trying to make sense of it

To make peace with it

And to find a way to cope

It's Saturday morning

Late April

The view is serene and holding on to bad feelings

Feels inappropriate in its glory

The water is light blue at the bottom

And military tan on top

There's a light breeze in the air as I poke my head out the window

Today I feel myself healing

Encompassed by this beautiful view of the green hills and the water

And looking at a photo you sent

A bouquet of daffodils