Woodman, Woodman, Spare That Tree

There is a tree grows near our house

It's been there quite some time

Now the tree is a slippery elm tree

And awful hard to climb

But when my wife gets after me

In that tree I always roost

Well I can go right up it just like a healthy squirrel

I don't never need no boost

But the other day a woodman came 'round

To chop my refuge down

Kept mumblin' somethin' 'bout wanting to split it

Into kindlin' wood and then spread it around the town

I said to him, I said, uh

"Look here my friend, hold on, desist, whoa, stop

Put down that forest razor

Chop not a single chop

Woodman, Woodman, spare that tree

Touch not a single bough

Three years it has protected me

And I'll protect it now

Go chop an oak, get a birch or pine

But save ol' slippery there, that's mine

That's the only tree that my wife can't climb

Mister Woodman, spare it for me"

I said to him, I said

"Woody, can you see that hole way up

Near that old tree top?

I got five dollars in soft money up there

And it's yours if you refuse to chop

Now no one can climb that tree but me

Because really friend, it's too slippery

Fact of the matter is I can't get up there very well myself

Lest my wife is after me

Now I'm gonna go home and get my wife

And proceed to call her a very naughty word

Then all you do is stand by

While I do that imitation of a bird

Now you ain't gonna know just where I go

That is while my wife's around

But the only thing I ask you Mister Woodman

If you don't see me here on the ground

Woody, you gon' spare that tree

Touch not a single bough

'Cause I'm gon' drop ol' five down to thee

The one I promised thou

Oh, but you must make that axe behave

Because ol' slippery there just must be saved

That's the borderline between me and the grave