December 4th

Shawn Carter was born December 4th

Weighing in at ten pounds, eight ounces

He was the last of my four children

The only one who didn't give me any pain, when I gave birth to him

And that's how I knew, that he was a special child

"Hi baby, what's wrong? You look like, you've lost your best friend

Tell me, is it something that I've done again?

You look like, you've lost your best friend, tell me"

They say they never really miss you 'til you dead or you gone

So on that note I'm leavin after this song

See you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long

At least let me tell you why I'm this way, hold on

I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adnis Reeves

Who made love under the sycamore tree

Which makes me, a more sicker MC and my momma would claim

At ten pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain

Although through the years I gave her her fair share

I gave her her first real scare, I made up for birth when I got here

She knows my purpose was on purpose, I ain't perfect, I care

But I feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matchin my gear

Now I'm just scratchin the surface cause what's buried under there

Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared

I went to school, got good grades, could behave when I wanted

But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted

Hold on

Shawn was a very shy child growing up

He was into sports, and a funny story is

At four, he taught himself how to ride a bike

A two-wheel at that, isn't that special?

But, I noticed a change in him, when me and my husband, broke up

Now all the teachers couldn't reach me and my momma couldn't beat me

Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me so

With that disdain in my membrane

Got on my pimp game, fuck the world, my defense came

Then the Haven introduced me to the game

Spanish Jose introduced me to 'caine; I'm a hustler now

My gear is in, and I'm in the in-crowd

And all the wavy light-skinned girls is lovin me now

My self-esteem went through the roof, man I got my swag

Got a Volvo from this girl when her man got bagged

Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had

Supposedly - knowin nobody paid Jaz wack ass

I'm gettin ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap

That came second to me movin this crack

Give me a second I swear, I would say about my rap career

'Til ninety-six came, niggas I'm here - goodbye!

Shawn used to be in the kitchen, beating on the table and rapping

And umm, into the wee hours of the morning

And then I brought him a boombox

And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts

But, that was my way to keep him close to me, and out of trouble

Goodbye to the game all the spoils, the adrenaline rush

Your blood boils, you in a spot, knowin' cops could rush

At you in the drop, you so easy to touch

No two days are alike, except the 1st and 15th pretty much

And trust, is a word you seldom hear from us

Hustlers, we don't sleep, we rest one eye up

And a drought could define a man when the well dries up

You learn the worth of water

Without work you thirst 'til you die - YUP

And niggaz get tied up for product

And little brothers ring fingers get cut up

To show mothers they really got 'em

And this is the stress I lived with

'Til I decided to try this rap shit for a livin

I pray I'm forgiven - for every bad decision I made

Every sister I played - cause I'm still paranoid to this day

And it's nobody fault, I made the decisions I've made

This is the life I chose, or rather the life that chose me

If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack

Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black

If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack

Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black

Now if you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack

Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black

If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack

Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black